I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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