What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
