I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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