ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
