miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We just shotgunned beers for America
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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