Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
its liver damage thursday
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
