he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You are a genius and a whore.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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