I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
