I'm gonna have a badass scar
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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