He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
