She is in my trunk
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Actions speak louder than pants.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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