So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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