In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We left an ass print on the piano.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
