My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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