i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
