I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
