hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
