Non-Jews are for practice
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
