Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
