Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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