WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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