Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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