I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
