if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
