JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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