I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
