Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
