we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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