i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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