Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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