Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
