My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
