Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
