Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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