i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
