This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
