Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
