she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We’re leaving where are you
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