it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
