But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
