I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
