I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
