I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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