Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
