Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
