Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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