The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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