Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
