nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
