She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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