I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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