My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
