The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
