Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
